Darkness

A sad hickory cloud hovered over me
I lay still never to be found

Proudly, I suppose, I stood my ground

When the air tightened up around me with the atmosphere gone
darkness found me
Floating on a winter river's run
paralyzed by cold, grasping for breath, which I had none
I gave up on this meaningless abode

Quietly floating on this thrill
my self assurance died.
No!
It was killed.

My cold saliva turned to ice and I felt nothing. Nothing, but the chill ...

I endured each and every lash.
Whips and scorns showered me with pain and crucified, like Christ, but not insane I lay misunderstood, floating, certain nothing much could ever break me, although, my blood soaked body dared to ache me with the weight of the world sitting on my shoulders and his harsh betrayal echoing in my head. Numb, I wondered, am I still alive or am I dead?

As a yelping shriek of an abandoned banshee rides into town on her crimson tidal wave, my crushed skull spilled open in it's creases with hot blood melting away the early snow.
This dandelion flesh turns work of art, conquering his fragile little heart, tearing mine into a million little pieces with one blow
My fire made his dim.
With no aid to his defense, no one to  hear him scream
Only, love made no more sense

Men are ruled by stars, so stars they seek
Gods reward the weary and the meek

There are things I will never forget
Some things can never be undone
There is someone for everyone, I thought
A free spirit, reflecting on her life, I handle pain
Love is now my drive

When I placed a dark shroud on my head I waved good bye to false love
I let myself be dead
Defenseless as I was, a woman scorned, his promises meant nothing, they are gone
With tears in my eyes, my mortal tears eaten up by the busy waves
I'm counting hours of my life, lonely hours instead of lonely days

The truth is I died long ago, when all I hoped to know once came to me in a strange, very vivid dream
I realized it was my faith that rescued me
What I give to others I also give to me
Now Love is my religion
Now that I can see

I have no more tears to shed, no eyes, no hands, no body and no head
Floating above my winter river bed this wretched little soul and words inside my head
I lifted up without any wings
I become one with everything
I found a place where only love can find me
Pain erased, bright light head, darkness far behind me

The river engaged in her fancy trip by a bent oak tree that ripped my stiff cloak off my naked body giving it another ice cold soak
side to side I dipped in, then once over
my mind someplace else examining the rainbows, wind chimes and colors never seen
I was working on my afterbirth, but as soon as my face touched the water, consciously revived, I tried to scream  - Noooooooo! No words came out. I couldn't comprehend why my ordeal found an end.
I was happy there, astonished by the things that I have seen
Yet, they removed me from the river as my blood soaked body entertained some men
pulled me back into my body from the wonder world where I have been

Street lights …railing …. remembering the crash …I heard a voice, then with a rush of images I pulled back into me
A voice said: "This is how it has to be."
It wasn't my time, I get it now, I do
Love is everlasting, that is nothing new, but I also learned that life is about overcoming fear
and that death is a transition.
Love never disappears

Love is not a thing I need, yet, love is what I want
The kind of love where I can barely breathe
I really thought I knew me with the old, but finding love again, somehow, love is void of pain
and on my mind are his hands, his lips, those brown eyes that pierce through me ... melting!
Of course I never know me!
It is a kind of love I never felt.
Now that I am grown, real love found me on her own  and it's the kind of love that feels like home