I am still

There is nothing I can do
The way we see the world is a vision split in two
Sometimes I wonder if you still
Sometimes I wonder if you will

Thoughts undeserved
The way your lips are curved
That twinkle in your eye
 …  a love I can't deny

When the raindrops fall

What we want
what we need
cuts my heart until it bleeds
I remember everything, but
I would rather let the raindrops sing
Without a doubt our hearts have bled, but don't forget to love instead
When heavy rains pound the fragile leaves
Our Eden fills with salty tears and I rejoice in disbelief that a love like this ever came to me
Effortless, as if meant to be

In dreams ...

In dreams, my heart betrays me
My days are not yet done
Wherever life shall take me, I haven't lost
I won

What I see speaks to me

It tells me nothing new

Your sweet, delicate words of love are not the very thing you do

Sentimental days are a thing of our past
To cherish love, one must love
Making sweet love last

The last I dared myself to see terrible shame came over me

a day after I gave thee thanks, new bodkin raised old painful ranks to simply unacceptable
You are unbearable, incomparable
My discontent I can not hide
My reply to you is  - nevermind

Stone cold

You quote to relate your feelings and your thoughts
long ago someone forgot to care for you
back then your feelings didn't matter
now they do
but now you are stone cold
I think I hurt you too

If you can't feel, I will feel for you
If you can't heal, know that I am true
If you can't speak, I will speak for you
but please, don't be weak
weakness kills me too



Let it be me, let it flow through me ...
Until you hear the call of mind-blowing amazing love you can't resist
starving for that never-ending must have kiss

When you crave me like you never have before
when your very soul is aching to the core
when passionate dreams control your mind, pumping divine bliss into your every part ...

When you listen to your heart and you give in

when your every thought of us is wrapped in sin

remember, there is no such thing as a stone cold heart

if you can hate, then you can love
stop tearing us apart

Here is a Heart

Adelaide was a rock star. Boy she loved to play! She wrote a new song every single day til one night, when she reconnected with her past, forced to face a love she knew would never last, Adelaide became unhappy. Entangled and upset, feeling somewhat strange, her frustration grew, but no one ever knew how bad it was for her. The situation rearranged her life. Love felt like a sharp knife cutting through her heart. In many ways she wanted to escape to some wonderful other place, praying for much better days to come.

Inside her head the band played on, boosting the same old crap on her brand new gramophone, but to her great surprise, Adelaide came to realize she was glad that song was over. When it finally played out, Sonny came along one sweet December night. They wrote beautiful songs together, but somehow things weren't any better, because Rocket refused to diminish, crawling his way to the finish, searching for a way out of his hole, squeezing her heart like a f--ing  a--hole!

Caught in a trap, everything felt wrong and nothing
right; Adelaide couldn't concentrate on songs, day or night. Sonny thought everything was fine, but she needed a lot more at the time, thinking everything she ever heard from men were lies.... in her eyes flirting became weary. Adelaide, prepared to say good bye, had to end this, because she couldn't live a lie. That's when their cheery song turned to a drone, a classical piano tune went all trombone and harmony fell out of tune. Soon, there was very little left or not enough. The room fell silent to an accidental theft of love. Sonny totally freaked out (convinced the moon, the stars and planets were designed to dance around his grace), so romance went to hell (now Sonny says Adelaide's new place ) and squabbles killed the song writing, which brought on massive nail biting and serenades became grenades. Adelaide broke her gramophone, screaming she will never write another song, but not long after this she realized, the coolest thing about love is the surprise, not knowing what comes next ... the spaces in between the scribbled text... being true at heart and never fake..... that kind of love takes the cake!  

Haiku

Enjoy life and wine

 but never forget the love
in atonement

Brave Hearts

dedicated to Aranka and Joseph Besserman

Life leads to many roads
This I know for sure

Each man is on a path with burdens to endure

We recognize the virtuous 

Only if we try

When the world is up in arms

God hears his children cry

There is strength within us

Challenging the brave, God stands by all heroes, Even at their grave

Triumphant adventures
Until angels return home
Then accepting brand new lives
Many angels grow

Together we live as sisters and brothers

Together we believe
Together we lead

Our fathers and mothers, magnificent angels
Together we suffer
Together we bleed

In love we rise

In love we fall
Exposing our hearts to God above all 

Enemy

RG

They say time can heal all wounds, but love should never leave any!

If you only hurt the ones you love, love becomes your enemy

Years later, I realized I truly mattered in his eyes

Difficult this truth may be, I might have hurt him terribly

Oh, c'est la vie!

I am still not sure, his love was pure

I never felt the same

Why ignite the stone cold flame that burned out a long time ago, when I can just say no no no 

I can't love anyone not right for me! ( even if he'd die for me )

It's time I turn to loving me

It's time I return to the sea

Compassion

Why do some have and others not?
Why are some cold, while others are too hot?
If he isn't within us, then, where is God?

When We Shuffle Off

A small piece of toast, side of apple butter and a cup of peach tea are my only breakfast companion this chilly winter New York morning. Looking outside the café window I see life in motion. Hello January! A brand new year is here! Some say it's our last. Others believe life will continue undisturbed.“Will there be anything else?” the waitress asks, inviting me to spiral further down the rabbit hole. I shake my head 'no' to other breakfast food, but will there, be, anything else?

My dad used to say: As many languages you speak, that many times you are a person. I am proud of my multilingual existence. Every few years I take on a new tongue. However, with the possibility of multiple dimensions, parallel worlds and reincarnation, that ‘existence’ infinitely multiplies! When Max Plank first kicked the idea of the string theory in motion, was he in pursuit of existential answers? Did Einstein ever waste his time thinking about death? Albie didn’t believe in wasting time. Einstein owned four identical suits to avoid time wasted thinking about what to wear each day. I wonder if Stephen Hawking thinks about life after death or if Michio Kaku believes in afterlife? Do any these brainiacs believe in God? Who among us hasn’t asked THE question at least once? French post-impressionist Gauguin went as far as painting his concerns in oil. Were do we come from? Who are we? What happens when we die?

The greatest poet of our time was also a phenomenal philosopher. In Hamlet’s famous soliloquy Shakespeare begins with: To be, or not to be. The bard questions life. Are we better off facing destiny, taking whatever cards we’re dealt or should we have courage enough to take matters into our own hands, thereby, calling it quits. Should we bid adieu to life? Should we rid ourselves of pain once and for all? For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come? Shakespeare asks. What happens when the soul separates from body? What are the mysterious twenty one grams that escape us when we finally 'shuffle off'? After all, tea spilling out from a broken cup is still tea, even soaked into a napkin, therefore, is the body nothing more than a shell? If this be true, who are we then? Are we the body or the mind?

What happened to the dead souls long before our time? Are they here? Are they above us? Beside us? Bellow? Are they watching over us? Are they the stars that come out every night? Is that where we come from? Is that where we go? Perhaps, we are stardust. 'There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life!' We must be cowards. IWhy do we live so long? We wait until our bodies give out; until we have no choice, but to pass. We would rather suffer inside our mortal shells afraid of the unknown, then embrace what comes! In the realm of the unknown, where we don't need a body, we do not suffer. Is suffering is the only way we know we’re alive? What if it is the only way we are aware of our existence?

I take the last sip of what is now a very cold and bitter cup of tea, hearing laughter inside my head. It is the proverbial tree in the forest laughing. We are all trees. Is it not true that without our senses we would not know of one another? If we couldn't see, taste, feel, hear or smell would we exist? Can it be concluded none of this is real? Can it be said that life is an illusion? What if life is a vibration of sounds, colors and impulses perceived by our brains? We only about 3%.

I think, therefore I am.

Clearly, without my body I can still hear my thoughts. I don't need ears to hear my thoughts. Why is it that I ignore my inside voice so often? Shouldn't I trust it? I am certain it knows me better than I know myself, but who am I? Am I that voice? Time is one. I believe all time is one. There is no before or after. There is only now. As cowards 'we grunt and sweat under this weary life' and rather than facing eternal void, we yearn to remain sleeping. I'm ashamed of this weakness.

Inside me, the voice says: "Follow the white rabbit, Neo!" I know it is the fear of the unknown holding me back. The 'undiscovered country, from whose bourn no traveler returns' It seems to be a scary place. To believe in heaven, one must believe in hell. If you want to believe there is good, you must believe in bad. Therefore, if there is a hell, we better take our sweet time getting there. (Just in case we're headed there...) Naturally, we are logical creatures. As George Bernard Shaw explains in Man and Superman, we are born greedy. We do what we can to survive and to protect ourselves. We do this out of fear. In history, the bravest living creatures faced their worst fears driven by love and passion in their hearts. Perhaps, that is the lesson we must learn. We are alive to overcome fear and to discover love.

Victor Frankel’s Man’s Search for a Meaning, work of Hobbs, Kafka, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Shaw, Camus... philosophers whose books I read many moons ago, lead me to conclude that life is reason. It is the series of choices we make. It's school with non stop exams. We face that which we are afraid of over and over until we find love. Love is the greatest strength of all.

If humanity sprung from a few microbes, then, when we die, the show is over . There is nothing after death, but is this a pleasant thought? I suppose that kind of thinking makes everything easier. Does it make any sense? If there is nothing after death, why bother learning, experiencing, understanding at life at all? The truth is that if we had only one choice to make in life there's a reason for all this - life.

If we allow ourselves to believe in God and take part in the mass delusion embraced by all religions life and the possibility of afterlife gain definition. Therefore, the choices we make in life give meaning to our lives and by extension, define afterlife. If there is no life after death, life has no meaning. It is as easy as 1, 2, 3. None of us are quick to embrace God or religion, especially not in the modern world. Unless God is beaten into our brains from birth by our religious parents, religion makes very little sense to most of us. When we give meaning to our lives by choosing to believe in something we are eternal. Shall I call myself an optimist? My tea may be stone cold and bitter now, but my cup remains half full. Life is sweet.