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Monday, January 28, 2013

Poésie de l'amour


A bientot mon amour!
Ce n'est pas facile
Vous etes toujours dans mon coeur 
surtout, très fragile

Deux petites oiseau nous sommes
Voila! Ce sont nos chansons
qui toujours chantons a matin
dans le soleil aux printemps
et jamais oublié


 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Doomed

His venomous poison
Her deadly sting
A ring of fire with wild furnishings
Her alien eyes
His desperate cries
You turn me inside out, he lies
I am so confused
I don't recognize myself
feeling sweet Sangria high
when muddy rivers truth will spill
my pretty clouds will disappear
 icy chill will steal the room
 I will die
I know this
I am doomed

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Let it go


If something feels untoward it isn't just a phase
When things weigh heavy on my heart
I put them in a vase
with purple roses, baby breath and poetry of mind
I bottle my pain in a crystal vase
and let the world unwind!

Come to me


COME TO ME

by M Katrin Daria


My mysterious love scrambled brain...

I shouldn’t, yet, I can’t abstain

A voice echoing in my head, blinded by love, gets me soaking wet

I'm crushing blue, offering my heart to you, so take it!

It is pure and true

Come to me, love, dive in deep, we have promises to keep

Single minded, mesmerized, I dream of your big beautiful blue eyes

Blue like the ocean, where I dwell and squirm

Come to me, let us reaffirm our love

Here in the sun, wet to the bone, on a sugar sweet high cream of a dream 

I exude a glow of happiness

Find me now! 

I'm a hot young mess

I'll sacrifice my life for yours somehow to unlock that tomb in a smoke filled room

when out of darkness I appear

soft summer wind, candle light, curtains blow apart, you're right, there is smooth

 jazz playing in my head

When you kiss me and we are transported to a beautiful beach where you gaze into my eyes, no names, no more guessing games, no more aching just to feel you close, one touch of your lips  - overdose

In a gentle sway of hips, our love feels true

No more wishing to take a sip of you

No more yearning to indulge in you

Done wishing, we just do!


How can this be wrong?

It feels too good

 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Bushido

What makes me who I am? 

Discipline. Dedication. Positivity. Focus. Honesty. Love


Friday, January 18, 2013

Fade Into You


Thousand years ago we met
It was the same back then, as it is now
I didn't know you, yet somehow, I could sense that you were mine

In a crowded street our eyes would meet
You didn't speak, and nor did I
We don't need a sign, love feels the same
Before I ever even knew your name, I felt you there
You're everywhere
All I want is you
I fade into you, when I look at you and see the thousand lifetimes you have lived with me, only me
                        
 


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Friday, January 11, 2013

Ice Princess



I touched a horn in the winter snow
in the Appalachian mountains where I often go

Underneath the pale moon light I came upon a gracious sight!

Moving slowly, reaching out, I held my breath
In one gentle touch, without a sound, a miracle happened as snow flakes hit the ground
Then, the unicorn moved
 I stepped back 
I am no one, I'm a nobody ... yet, all of a sudden... can this be?

The unicorn bowed down to me ....



Monday, January 7, 2013

I'm not here ...


What is this thing?
Pretense or fear?
Depths of your soul are refusing to hear me!

I herald defeat, but not out of fear 
My truth is denied, demolished and ravaged when love finally arrived, but instantly damaged, bleeding and aching, was perturbed by your spear

No where to run 
No where to hide

I am not here
I am not here

Thursday, January 3, 2013

A dangerous flight


On the wings of an eagle
on the wings of a dove
white clouds passing me by
far from my love
A dangerous flight
in hands of another
I am fully enthralled
the thrill is my lover
When turbulence brings darkness upon me
I carry my wings to the next world beyond here
There I will fly
by my own will
a peril less cry, for I am alive still
Each moment, each second
gives rise to a miss
my heart beating faster in eternal bliss
in boisterous demise I keep guessing away ...
Is there a climax?
Will this trip come at bay?
On the wings of an eagle
on the wings of a dove
white clouds passing me by
as I return to my love

Thursday, December 27, 2012

A moment in time


In a moment in time
a euphoric high
all boundaries gone
 as love passes by

I am free to be me, free to fly
What is this torment we all call love?
Why, is enough, never enough?
Where does love come from?
Why must we try?
Cruel, deceiving... 
Love a lie
To be or not to be
I believe enough in me to give up on love, to live happily
But soft!
What light through yonder window breaks?
It is true love!
 I think my heart is awake!
We are all fools in love and the crazy games we play
Why run from love?
Please, true love, stay!!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Brave Hearts

dedicated to Aranka and Joseph Besserman

Life leads to many roads
This I know for sure
Each man is on a path with burdens to endure

We recognize the virtuous 
Only if we try
When the world is up in arms
God hears his children cry

There is strength within us
Challenging the brave, God stands by all heroes, Even at their grave

Triumphant adventures
Until angels return home
Then accepting brand new lives
Many angels grow

Together we live as sisters and brothers
Together we believe
Together we lead
Our fathers and mothers, magnificent angels
Together we suffer
Together we bleed

In love we rise
In love we fall
Exposing our hearts to God above all 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

UNDERWATER



Willows, roses, wide green meadows
tapestry of life
strange bedfellows

I bend backwards, like a swaying stem, waiting in the dead of day
lucky to be far away from all the mayhem 

In wild red poppy fields, cutting through the stubborn weeds
a mystery is revealed
Now, when the trumpets sound, our hearts that are friendship bound, merge in some strange alliance
Fingers braiding dandelions

No rest for the weary
little birds are cheering to brighten our day

Hedges and thorns  - no longer in our way

Monday, December 3, 2012

Enemy

RG

They say time can heal all wounds, but love should never leave any!
If you only hurt the ones you love, love becomes your enemy

Years later, I realized I truly mattered in his eyes
Difficult this truth may be, I might have hurt him terribly
Oh, c'est la vie!
I am still not sure, his love was pure
I never felt the same
Why ignite the stone cold flame that burned out a long time ago, when I can just say no no no 
I can't love anyone not right for me! ( even if he'd die for me )

It's time I turn to loving me
It's time I return to the sea

Savage



The expense of spirit in a waste of shame
Is lust in action; and till action, lust
Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust,
Enjoy'd no sooner but despised straight,

Past reason hunted, and no sooner hadPast reason hated, as a swallow'd bait
On purpose laid to make the taker mad;
Mad in pursuit and in possession so;
Had, having, and in quest to have, extreme;
A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream.
All this the world well knows; yet none knows well
To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell.
             
           
sonnet 129 - William Shakespeare

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Madness

Sadly, I gaze upon my shattered eyes... 

This was love everlasting? 
Hm...

It's no surprise deep darkness dwells upon your crooked lips
Behold! Madness! What? More lies?
The company you keep is deceitful touch!
This pyramid is your monument
It isn't much


Safe inside these sacred clouds, where solemn nights creep upon me like a villain's guilt
I untie this bond.
I let go
Hiding in the dead of night! No more!

To and from the arms of heaven I have flown when
in and out of evil hands have I betrothed my dear porcelain heart
I weep mourning thy unbashful offers
As always, I am left behind
Picking up the pieces

What is left of me I sew into a packet of sweet potpuri
Your wrong becomes my right
I break the chains, opening my tired eyes to find my love remains

It's true
Alas! 
Thy everlasting love is fading
You are denied
For all eternity

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Compassion

Why do some have and others not?
Why are some cold, while others are too hot?
If he isn't within us, then, where is God?

Saturday, October 20, 2012

A Choice


In college, I met an amazing young woman named Olga. She was beautiful and intelligent and one heck of a chess player. One day we argued over life and death; weather there is life after death at all. 
I insisted life goes on. Olga kept saying: "When you're dead, you're dead." 

I hope, for her sake, that I was correct. I never knew our existential debate meant more than words to her. One day a mutual friend informed me Olga committed suicide. 

I often think of her. Could I have said something to stop her, had I known?
I wish I had a chance to go back in time. I would fight for her life and tell her that she's important, that she needs to believe each life on Earth matters.  
I would tell her that however bad things may seem at the moment the future is in her hands. She can have any life she wants. I would tell her happiness is a choice and the negative can only hurt us if we let it. 


Olga 

  • Date of Birth: March 1969 Date of Death: August 1998
  • Zodiac: Pisces Died at Age: 29 Lived: 10763 days
---------------------------------------------------

If I died, would you cry for me?
If I reach down from the sky, will you come to me?
Will I see your eyes tearing up for me?


You died, Olga
We cried for you
You should have heard me scolding you

I wish you were here, so one more time we'd fight
One more time you'd win
Transparent in the night

I wave a white flag in my dream
then sadness comes
you bow your chin
the flag becomes a bloody rag
your soul within
 a child of sin


Are you happy where you are?
Feel you less than mortal pain?
If the place you love can save the weak, should others then salvation seek?
Should I too attempt this dance, before God himself grants me the chance?

So quick and sudden you turned away
So young
Only you arrived
What went through your troubled mind from day to day?
You cut your flesh in moments so contrived
You're not forgotten
Memories sink deep
Frozen in time the clock stopped ticking
Late at night, you drifted off to sleep
Now everyone you loved at your grave kneels weeping

You welcome death, the so called other side
No more breath
Nothing more to hide
In your satin bed, you took a wild ride

When we argued about life and death
Your pain must have been deep
I never knew
I never even had a chance to tell you, to wake you from your sleep
No good bye
You closed your eyes
I stayed
I recognize your plight, but Olga, I can't apologize
 I choose to stay and fight

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Imagine for a moment the sun is not only your light, it is your guide
the end of a tunnel, a way out of darkness.
Imagine all the beauty in the world, mountains, oceans, wildflower fields
even the horizon, however great
none compare to the beauty of Nirvana

Allow your thoughts to travel
become a beam of light
think not on pain, suffering or posessions, let go of fear
take flight!


Saturday, April 21, 2012

When We Shuffle Off

A small piece of toast, side of apple butter and a cup of peach tea are my only breakfast companion this chilly winter New York morning. Looking outside the café window I see life in motion. Hello January! A brand new year is here! Some say it's our last. Others believe life will continue undisturbed.“Will there be anything else?” the waitress asks, inviting me to spiral further down the rabbit hole. I shake my head 'no' to other breakfast food, but will there, be, anything else?

My dad used to say: As many languages you speak, that many times you are a person. I am proud of my multilingual existence. Every few years I take on a new tongue. However, with the possibility of multiple dimensions, parallel worlds and reincarnation, that ‘existence’ infinitely multiplies! When Max Plank first kicked the idea of the string theory in motion, was he in pursuit of existential answers? Did Einstein ever waste his time thinking about death? Albie didn’t believe in wasting time. Einstein owned four identical suits to avoid time wasted thinking about what to wear each day. I wonder if Stephen Hawking thinks about life after death or if Michio Kaku believes in afterlife? Do any these brainiacs believe in God? Who among us hasn’t asked THE question at least once? French post-impressionist Gauguin went as far as painting his concerns in oil. Were do we come from? Who are we? What happens when we die?
The greatest poet of our time was also a phenomenal philosopher. In Hamlet’s famous soliloquy Shakespeare begins with: To be, or not to be. The bard questions life. Are we better off facing destiny, taking whatever cards we’re dealt or should we have courage enough to take matters into our own hands, thereby, calling it quits. Should we bid adieu to life? Should we rid ourselves of pain once and for all? For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come? Shakespeare asks. What happens when the soul separates from body? What are the mysterious twenty one grams that escape us when we finally 'shuffle off'? After all, tea spilling out from a broken cup is still tea, even soaked into a napkin, therefore, is the body nothing more than a shell? If this be true, who are we then? Are we the body or the mind?

What happened to the dead souls long before our time? Are they here? Are they above us? Beside us? Bellow? Are they watching over us? Are they the stars that come out every night? Is that where we come from? Is that where we go? Perhaps, we are stardust. 'There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life!' We must be cowards. IWhy do we live so long? We wait until our bodies give out; until we have no choice, but to pass. We would rather suffer inside our mortal shells afraid of the unknown, then embrace what comes! In the realm of the unknown, where we don't need a body, we do not suffer. Is suffering is the only way we know we’re alive? What if it is the only way we are aware of our existence?
I take the last sip of what is now a very cold and bitter cup of tea, hearing laughter inside my head. It is the proverbial tree in the forest laughing. We are all trees. Is it not true that without our senses we would not know of one another? If we couldn't see, taste, feel, hear or smell would we exist? Can it be concluded none of this is real? Can it be said that life is an illusion? What if life is a vibration of sounds, colors and impulses perceived by our brains? We only about 3%.

I think, therefore I am.

Clearly, without my body I can still hear my thoughts. I don't need ears to hear my thoughts. Why is it that I ignore my inside voice so often? Shouldn't I trust it? I am certain it knows me better than I know myself, but who am I? Am I that voice? Time is one. I believe all time is one. There is no before or after. There is only now. As cowards 'we grunt and sweat under this weary life' and rather than facing eternal void, we yearn to remain sleeping. I'm ashamed of this weakness.

Inside me, the voice says: "Follow the white rabbit, Neo!" I know it is the fear of the unknown holding me back. The 'undiscovered country, from whose bourn no traveler returns' It seems to be a scary place. To believe in heaven, one must believe in hell. If you want to believe there is good, you must believe in bad. Therefore, if there is a hell, we better take our sweet time getting there. (Just in case we're headed there...) Naturally, we are logical creatures. As George Bernard Shaw explains in Man and Superman, we are born greedy. We do what we can to survive and to protect ourselves. We do this out of fear. In history, the bravest living creatures faced their worst fears driven by love and passion in their hearts. Perhaps, that is the lesson we must learn. We are alive to overcome fear and to discover love.
Victor Frankel’s Man’s Search for a Meaning, work of Hobbs, Kafka, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Shaw, Camus... philosophers whose books I read many moons ago, lead me to conclude that life is reason. It is the series of choices we make. It's school with non stop exams. We face that which we are afraid of over and over until we find love. Love is the greatest strength of all.

If humanity sprung from a few microbes, then, when we die, the show is over . There is nothing after death, but is this a pleasant thought? I suppose that kind of thinking makes everything easier. Does it make any sense? If there is nothing after death, why bother learning, experiencing, understanding at life at all? The truth is that if we had only one choice to make in life there's a reason for all this - life.

If we allow ourselves to believe in God and take part in the mass delusion embraced by all religions life and the possibility of afterlife gain definition. Therefore, the choices we make in life give meaning to our lives and by extension, define afterlife. If there is no life after death, life has no meaning. It is as easy as 1, 2, 3. None of us are quick to embrace God or religion, especially not in the modern world. Unless God is beaten into our brains from birth by our religious parents, religion makes very little sense to most of us. When we give meaning to our lives by choosing to believe in something we are eternal. Shall I call myself an optimist? My tea may be stone cold and bitter now, but my cup remains half full. Life is sweet.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Siren Song

(a song from an original play, my mermaid's tale - Marseille)
Your sad eyes tell a story
that in my heart I keep
A thousand year old tale of love
which sadly makes me weep

When the ocean calls to me
I wake up from my sleep,
Oh, my dear love come to me
thousand oceans deep

Whispering I love you
I find you at the shore
We sleep together in the coral sand
together evermore.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A Toast!

Our living room sofa is old and worn, why mom wanted leather, I can’t say...
I'm comfortable at home, I feel serene, in a warm blanket, sipping vine, listening to an evergreen
 





It's a first night into a New Year’s day and I'm finally free of my daily grind,
at least over the holidays

Now, admiring our Christmas tree,  brightly twinkling back at me,
decorated in memories, bought, received and found,
embedded in my brain by color, taste and sound
I'm thinking, where will I be a year from now?
 
Four years ago I had a father, now it’s just mum and I somehow...
My little brother is getting married! It’s true, I suppose, life goes on.... I don't know much, but I know one thing: Whatever we expect from life, whatever it may be, we must believe in something, so I
believe ... I believe in me.

Here, here! I'll drink to that on this glitzy night!
Shine on Christmass tree! Shine on sweet moonlight!

I shall do my very best ‘til next year, when once again I rest next to a brand new tree, making another silly wish and foolishly, I'll wish I were a fish!
 
If only I could dwell upon the mighty ocean waves!
Flipping my long tail, making a big ol' splash! Oh, yes!
Covered in scales, but I guess who cares, when I'm glistening and gliding in the air...in and out of water, free from all restrain! Rejoicing, ignorant of pain…
God, why have I never known such bliss? Why have I never felt as free?
Can it really be so easy, that with a little fantasy, there can be a brand new me! Well, if it's such an easy task, what on Earth am I waiting for? I'll pretend it's next year now!
Forget 2008, here’s to 2009! (gulp, gulp, gulp)  ... hoping that my special wish comes true somehow.
 

The Fog


I spend my free time reading or writing, but ten years ago, I was out clubbing almost every night of the week. Hours of dancing were followed up with a slice of delicious pizza at Boston Kenmore Sq Pizza pad or quick kebab wrap from a street vendor at the back of Fenway Park. One Friday, I said no to pizza. I just wanted to get home, curl up in my bed and get some much needed sleep.

Driving down crowded Lansdowne street, where sweaty tired people enveloped my car like a herd of wild bull. I made my way toward the interstate taking me home to the south side of Beantown.

It was almost three in the morning, but to my surprise, I wasn’t tired. I was not inebriated. I may have been a little hungry, but it was a beautiful summer night and I rather enjoyed the ride home. The air was clear and the sky still dark enough for stars, though I noticed not many were out. I was singing along to Cocteau Twins, mumbling strange words in true karaoke with my window rolled down all the way. The warm summer breeze seeping in was an absolute dream. I wasn't dreaming. I was fully awake, though what happened next was unexplainable.

t remember thinking the highway is exceptionally busy around me. I was driving 60 mph about to go under an overpass, when a gray van full of rowdy boys came hurling out of nowhere. I almost ran my car into a wall reacting in a millisecond when they got too close to me. I turned the steering wheel too far over to the right, fast and very forcefully, trying to avoid a collision with the van, only to realize there was no breakdown lane to my right. All I saw was a stone wall.

Somehow, I never hit that wall. Instead, I made a 360 degree turn. I remember bricks, then, I suddenly found myself center lane, at a complete stop. How did my car stop? How did I get to the center lane? How was I still alive? If I passed out, which I must have, is it possible I made that 360 degree turn myself? My gut feeling kept saying NO

At that moment, an image of my grandmother’s sweet smiling face came to mind, then faded away. Next, I remembered the van, then all the cars that were on the road at my side, behind me, a head of me…and I panicked. I kept thinking: "I have to get out of here! I'm going to get hit!"

I turned the engine on convinced I must rush forward immediately, before someone hits me from behind, but the car was too slow for my liking. I took my foot off the break, looked into the rear view mirror - shocked. As if a giant invisible arm brushed all the vehicles far behind me over a hundred feet! They were all too far away! In fact, there was a foggy film of air between us. Where did the fog come from? It was such a beautiful summer night! I remember that clearly.

A chill came over me. I understood what happened, though, none of it made sense. I stepped on the gas pedal, slowly moving forward 20, 30, then 40 mph, all the while feeling eyes on me. By this time, the vehicles which were mysteriously moved far behind me have caught up. The strangest thing was that I soon realized I’ve seen them all before. The vehicles passing me by were the same vehicles I had passed by earlier that night. I wasn’t tired at all. I wasn't drunk. I was fully awake. This was no illusion. How could this be? Again, I began talking to myself: "I didn’t have a drop of alcohol in me. I wasn’t sick, I didn’t hurt my head. Is this the Twilight Zone? The vehicles were the same color, carrying the same people inside. I've seen them all before!

Like any sane person would do, I told myself what I’m thinking isn’t true. I said it out loud several times until I was almost convinced nothing happened. Sorting my thoughts, I spiraled through emotions. Tears filled my eyes thinking of my grandmother. Perhaps, it happened? Did she save me? I felt uneasy, swallowing hard, wiping away my tears. I couldn't stop. Ready to ball my eyes out, I pulled over to the breakdown lane where I broke all down.

My head turned to look out my open window, warm summer breeze smack in my face and the biggest shock of all. The gray van with the rowdy boys swished past me as if for the very first time! They were hanging out the windows, shouting the same lame drunken frat boy come ons as before: “Whohoa, baby! How ya doing tonight?” I froze in place. I got my answer. It happened. It really happened! I smelled the summer breeze, I heard the boys shouting, I saw the accident take place, I felt my grandmother all around me and I tasted my own tears. I can’t deny it. It was real. My senses told me it all happened. It’s like the proverbial tree. If no one hears it, did it fall? I knew it had. It fell. It happened.

If that is possible. Anything is possible! This is all we are. Our senses. If I had no senses I could dismiss all that happened. It would be easy. It would be easier than believing there is a while other world out there. A world we know nothing about. A world we lost touch with. However, I saw, I heard, I felt, I tasted my own salty tears that night and it proved everything to me. Everything I needed to know about life.

Life is a roller coaster ride. It goes up and down, winding every which way, slow at times, then fast, but knowing we all get off one day, it's important we keep going and that we enjoy the ride. We must make the best of life. We must learn to love and overcome fear. Since we all get off the ride someday, there should be no fear. Let's life fearlessly. Let's wipe away our tears and embrace the unusual!

It happened. It was a very scary realization, but in a way, it was incredible. Albert Einstein once said:
“I think therefore I am” I get it now. It's all about what I think. I have to be positive. I have to have hope. I felt like something 'out there' didn't want me to die. Maybe, I am meant for something great, something I have yet to achieve. Still, I wonder, who’s watching?

Thief!


RG

Thief! 
That very heart you steal is but a figment!
It's not real!
It's not a declaration of my love, when you take my heart against my will!
I drop a tear.
My heart grows cold, dies
 
Steady pulse draws to a halt, overlapping beats, exhaust....
No longer ticking/toking at its cost
Your heart grew fonder, while my heart paused
Have we wasted love?
I wonder...
 
On this forbidden morning I am lost

Too much of my love dwells in your possession
Too much of your love turned into obsession
Say it, you desperate, wretched villain! Say it!
Basking in affection, sitting on your throne!

Should my remaining zest be spent on cruel men of your sort?
Deep love as was my own?
Or will you, uncanny pile of darkness, once more rip apart my world? 
Then to the devil with you, bastard!
Heartless! Gutless! Cold!

I recollect my thoughts on Love, seeking guidance up above.
Oh, come new dawn!
Approach me!
Slap me in my face!
Let some new love scorch me!
Transplant a new heart in my old heart's place!

When I close my eyes each night
I pray for a more meaningful new sight than this old carried, when you filled my cup with stones.
They, so deeply buried, cut into my bones
I bled, I'm bleeding still
With these heavy rocks, set in my lower deck, I am sinking deeper, tired, feeling used.
Sprinkle on sandy beaches just to change my mood
(laughter) blinded by love, oh, this is wild....I'm so confused!

I really thought it was a figment when you stole, but no, the first is real and now
for ever more
you are the only way I heal

In two dark souls I must discover light.
Come strength, hold me, I am weak
Instead of leaving you, I ask you my dear Love: "Is this all that you have taken? Do you want more when we awaken?"

( inspired by John Donne's Valediction and a few movies )